What’s Loev Got to Do With It?

A family counselor says couples working together in business can be more successful if they understand his theory of how relationships work
By Rebecca Esparza

You can say Dr. Irv Loev is a romantic at heart.

A licensed professional counselor, San Antonio-based Loev has spent his career advising couples and businesses on relationship issues. And after many years of listening, learning and even teaching, he devised a theory of relationships which has produced outstanding success for his clients.

Two decades ago, when Loev was in charge of the marriage and family counseling program at St. Mary’s University, he observed the same traits kept popping up in certain personalities.

Couples working together in business can flourish, he learned, if they find out which of two personality profiles they fall under. Loev asserts there are two main personality types when it comes to love: “Blues,” which have a fear of domination, and “Reds,” who tend to have a fear of rejection.

“I realized what made people the angriest and divided those traits into different personality types,” he explains. “And then I spent the next 20 years supporting my theory, presenting my findings to other counselors. I also used it to size people up quickly, and as a way to supervise my students.”

Today more couples are working together than ever before.

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, more than two million husband-and-wife business partnerships existed just 10 years ago. Recent statistics imply that number is increasing. More recent definitive statistics are hard to compile because couples often choose one person to claim ownership of the company, or they have been reluctant to share the information.

These relationships typically fall into two groups: Co-entrepreneurial couples working in self-employment ventures, and co-executive couples working for the same company. Loev argues that no matter which environment is chosen, the truly successful couple will seek to find a better understanding of each other before heading into the workplace together.

Typical romantic couples (married or not) generally choose partners with opposite personalities, he says. “I know just by looking at a person which per-sonality he or she is. Sometimes people can be a mixture of the two personalities, based on their childhood experiences, which may have swayed their original tendencies. But essentially, in a normal marriage these two different types of people tend to marry.”

Blue personalities are logical thinkers, he explains, while Red personalities tend to be feeling-based individuals. And while there are some schools of thought claiming couples working together are a recipe for disaster, he counters that couples can thrive if the proper dynamics and personalities come together.

“There are some exceptions, though, like when a Blue man gets together with a Red woman who becomes too dominant. A Red man with a Blue woman is a much better match. A woman is more likely to play a backup role to the man. Innately, women want to help men succeed.”

Loev discusses these theories more in-depth in his book Conflict Means I Love You, which is out of print but available through booksellers online. Currently he is working on updating the book with a couple of new chapters.

A Red man is more social and tends to sell information, he continues. “Couples working together can actually be a good team, like a wife who works for her physician-husband in a doctor’s office. The book describes the two personality types, discusses their communications patterns, and shows ways to fix extremes.”

Conflict arises when Blue people think Red people don’t support them, says the counselor. “Most people tend to hire their own type. While a Red believes in group morale, a Blue wants to hire more productive people. Also, Reds under stress work harder.”

Loev suggests couples working together should allow each other to be who they are naturally and tap into the strengths of the different personalities. Doing this will help decrease tension and suffering in their marital relationships as well as in the workplace. “Armed with this information, businesses can be more effective, more productive.”

He also advises couples to keep work-related talk at the office. “Many times it’s hard for couples not to come home and [discuss] the business. But they must learn to put it aside.”

There are more caveats about these two color-coded personalities people need to learn to foster harmony in the workplace. For instance, a Red woman will get jealous of Blue man in business.

In general, Blues don’t tend to get together with other Blues, and Reds don’t connect well with Reds. “There’s just no chemistry there,” he says.

If a Blue woman gets divorced, she will never want to be alone and so chances are high for her to marry again. When a Red husband tries to rule at home, his Blue wife will rebel, as she will not like being told what to do.

Extreme Reds can be hostile and jealous, he adds. “Reds also live longer and with greater gusto, which helps them be more successful. The Red is a pursuer and the pursued is the Blue.”

Loev says his book on Blue/Red theory can also help explain the personalities of past U.S. Presidents and First Ladies.

“President Jimmy Carter had a hard time making decisions, so he’s a Blue and his wife Rosalynn is a Red. Also, Red men in power have a higher potential to stray, making Hillary a Blue and Bill Clinton a Red. John F. Kennedy was a Red, too.”

Loev devotes the vast majority of his time to private counseling, but spends a few hours a week speaking at company retreats and other private/public events, or making media appearances as a family marriage counselor expert.

When he looks at his practice, the counselor notes that half of the men are Reds and half of the women are Blues.

“I don’t see many instances where the man works for the woman,” he sums up. “Historically, men want to be served by the woman and a woman is more comfortable with the role of picking up the pieces after a man.”   

Rebecca Esparza is a Corpus Christi-based freelance writer.